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I opened my eyes this past Friday morning to see quite an unusual site, something that I don't normally find myself seeing on most Friday mornings. And what I saw also wasn't something that I can explain seeing, but, it was most definitely definitely there. In plain flesh... plain nut-flesh.
There it was. I thought it was, at first, a tasty morsel-remnant from the previous night's post-drinking binge treat. In other words, quite honestly, I thought it was the remains of the crust from the cold slice of Minguzzi's Pizza that I had made no bones about wanting. I blinked, attempted to focus, and then refocus, and then rubbed my left eye and then righty, to make more sense of this situation, but there it was, unclear as hungover daylight: It was not, in fact, a crust-corpse, but a nut. A nut! A sugar-coated, extraordinarily large walnut. Just chillin', on my night stand.
And what is so alien about this non-assuming nut, is that I had not eaten anything nut-related, nut-including, nut-liscious. I love nuts and so I would most definitely remember consuming something that included this nut..or even this nut's brother. Now, sure, the night previous was typical of most nights out in Manayunk, lots of revelry and mayhem and bawdy-ness. Lots of Miller Lites, Bazooka Joes, and eventually, water... but no nuts! I clearly remember eating nothing of the sort. Not even a salad that might include this nut. Nothing even close! So, how did this nut arrive on my nightstand? Was it placed there by God? Was God telling me something by throwing nuts at me? Was he throwing nuts at someone else and randomly this nut fell from his hand and landed in my presence? Was I the unintended recipient of this nut?
And it stared back at me, with its nut-like, sugary-crystallized eyes. Yes, it had eyes– i mean, it probably even had a mouth. "Ha, ha...I'm a nut...and maybe you're crazy for seeing me!", it would retort. The nut makes fun of me, for believing in its very existence, as it sits there atop a purple post-it, leaking its nut-juices and sugary-buttery nut greases onto this innocent post-it's paper-fibers.
Of course, being the sane [non-crazy] individual I'd like to believe that I am, I ask for validation and reassurance from my roommate. (Who, at times, I feel is as nut-worthy as I am, but that's totally besides the point). I need to know that this mystery-nut is real, and that I'm not seeing fantastical, alien nuts appearing out of nowhere. Yep, its there, she says, as we both lean down to stare at it closer without actually touching the specimen. And no, nothing nut-riffic was eaten by her, either. Or her boyfriend. (Boyfriends don't eat random dishes that include sugar-coated nuts, we declare.) There should be, she says, no reason for this nut to be sitting here, on your nightstand. No reason at all. No one was here, carrying and depositing nuts in random places. This nut has absolutely nothing to do with anything, and it just showed up here, ["hello!] to fuck with your head.
The only rational thing I can do, after chuckling for a good 5 minutes, shaking my head and trying to find the best reality-tv marathon that is on, is begin to reconstruct my own theories that I use to analyze most of the random crap that happens to me. And the theory I turn to in this case, "Everything Happens for a Reason".
Why is this nut happening to me? Because it most definitely happened. It HAPPENED. I saw the nut, it saw me, and it was put there, by some force of nature or divine presence and here's what I've concluded:
I'd like to believe that the nut is my tangible mind, and for me to be able to understand what exactly is happening in my head, I subconsciously may have needed to see my head...my mind...my brain...in tangible form. So, a nut appeared. It was almost as if I had willed the nut to appear. There it is, right in my face, my own nuttiness, taken from inside my head and placed in plain view, outside of my head. Yes, I know I have moments where I am crazed, where my own paranoia about normal things in life take over my thoughts and my otherwise sane existence, but this week was especially trying. Well maybe not just this week ...maybe the entire past year...maybe my life up until this nut-point. In any case, somehow my subconscious communicated with this nut and told it to show up as an obvious sign to answer some of the festering questions and thoughts that overtake my brain.
And maybe, just maybe this past week I lost it. I became certifiable. I mean, i know that I'm not completely insane. Only sane people can admit to their sanity right? Well...and here it was, this nut. My sanity or lack-thereof, was out on the table. (The night-table, no-less!) It was saying "Look! You're a nut!" Translation: "Stop being a nut or things like this will keep happening...you will receive more nuts...randomly placed and scattered throughout your life!" And this time, the nut was sugar-coated, with sweet, cinnamon-y goodness...but next time, the nut could be basted in spice, or maybe roasted...or worse, crushed! Crushed nuts, oh, the horror!
This unexplainable, metaphorical nut, eerily enough comes into my life at a time when only a nut realistically could. Its about to be springtime, where things are reborn, where life recycles itself, where baby wildlife is born, when new friends sprout up, where old friends re-sprout up, when baseball begins, when the air is warm and balmy, when summer is only a few months away, when you can almost smell the optimism in the air. Maybe the nut is telling me to first of all, throw it away. But after that its saying "start fresh!" "stop being nutty" "stop overanalyzing" "stop being insecure and worried" "STOP. BEING.NUTTY.!"
So, what did I do? What could I do? I couldn't adopt the nut forever...I couldn't store the nut [I am not a squirrel...although after this experience it would help explain things if i were) so... I threw the nut out. Even though I feel like I should tape it to the inside of my diary or something, keep it, to remind me that I should quit it, already, with the crazed analysis of every facet of my life. But I threw it out. I acknowledged why it was there, and then discarded properly of the nut. If it were recyclable, I would have recycled it. I mean really, if I kept the nut, it might get moldy and who wants moldy nuts just hanging out in their bedrooms on their nightstands. Ahem, no pun intended.
Anyway, the nut is now residing in the circular filing cabinet I like to call my bedroom wastebasket. Its happy now, and ready to randomly show itself, in all its nutty-glory, to some one else who needs it...its goal in its nut-life being to pay forward its metaphorical reference to mental insanity in the hopes that, one by one, whoever sees the nut can realize their self-nuttiness and move on, nut-free. Who needs medication when there are nuts, right? |
