I never check my baggage when I’m flying on an airplane. I just don’t trust that the airline will successfully transport my precious outerwear to the appropriate destination. I’m a carryon girl. You see, I get nervous that I’ll arrive at my location and some apathetic airline attendant will tell me my bag is actually on it’s way to Cuba, and that she’s sorry, but I’ll just have to “deal with it.”

I really get the feeling that airlines hate baggage. This is probably true because it is hard for them to truly “understand” our baggage. You see, they cannot possibly begin to fathom what the contents inside actually mean to us. To them, our baggage is just “stuff”, and because they do not view our baggage as we do, it is simply a giant inconvenience. But, like everything in life, they have no choice but to transport our baggage everywhere they go. You want us- the customer? You get that-- our baggage. Take it, or leave it.

The same remains true for people and the emotional baggage that inevitably comes from years and years of failed relationships. The older you get, the heavier (and consequently, more inconvenient) the baggage.

In high school, baggage was no biggie. Mostly, you had to deal with jealousy in PE, when his ex-girlfriend (of only three weeks) would serve volleyballs at your face. In college, the baggage was typical. You’d have to deal with him staring at every hot piece of ass that walked by. In your early 20’s, the baggage begins to worsen. You begin to deal with his commitment issues that come from the fact that he doesn’t want to end up like his parents. So naturally, by the time you get to your late 20’s, people’s baggage is heavier, no longer the simple carry-ons from the past. Now, you’re dealing with ex-husbands, ex-fiancés, ex-drug addictions, and ex-mama’s boys. You’re dealing with entrepreneurs whose businesses have failed- so they’re bitter and jumpy. You’re dealing with people whose parents have split later in life – thus scarring them for life. And you’re dealing with people who have sexually experienced more- therefore, there is baggage you (and your partner, for that matter) may not even be aware of.

Baggage scares the crap out of me. Unfortunately, half of us aren’t even aware that we have baggage. But we all do. There is not one person out there, who has been in a failed relationship, that isn’t carrying some sort of “issue” that technically isn’t their new

partner’s fault. However, the new person is the one who has to carry the baggage.

I have an ex. What’s my baggage? I was so bored in bed with my ex, that I tend to daydream when I’m having sex now. Force of habit. I think about everything under the sun. The football game I was made to watch that day, the project I have to do at work, and the ice cream that is calling my name in the freezer downstairs. I have to fight my daydreams away like a ninja warrior-- but it’s not just me that my daydreaming affects, it’s my partner too. One day, unless I “resolve” this baggage, it may affect our relationship.

My good friend, Drama, dated this guy a little while back. The two of them couldn’t become close because he had a big “secret” he couldn’t share with her. We never did find out what that “secret” was, but I’m assuming it was in the form of baggage! Some “issue” that he had to dispose of before he could successfully move on with his life. Secretly, I hope he works for the CIA, is going on a mission soon, and can’t take her with him, but will always have her in his heart… or some shit.

My other friend, Pretty Eyes, went on a few dates with a seemingly great guy…who has a wife. Granted, the wife will soon be an ex-wife, but she’s a wife none the less. You see, that’s the thing, by the time you reach our age, there have been so many almost-coulda- woulda- freaking thank-god-we-didn’tya’s, that the baggage is completely unavoidable. So now, it becomes what baggage is ok, and what baggage is too heavy for the belly of the airplane. This issue becomes what baggage we are willing to tolerate, and what baggage is too heavy to lug around with us for the rest of our lives.

The natural first step in resolving this issue is claiming your own baggage. Because by claiming your baggage, you are admitting a fault, and once you do that, you can make steps in changing it. And while it may be difficult to change completely, at least by recognizing the existence of your baggage, you can help your new partner carry it, that way they do not have to deal with your baggage on their own. And hopefully, you won’t have to deal with their baggage on your own.

God, wouldn’t life be so much easier if everything was small enough to be a personal carry-on?