Ah, if only every man could be like Tom Cruise. Well, the Tom Cruise from Jerry McGuire, not the Tom Cruise from the tabloids who has a pretend wife and a robot-like child. But in all seriousness, watching movies like Jerry McGuire, The Notebook and Sweet Home Alabama make me wonder if there is one person out there out there who “completes me.” However, I can’t help but wonder if the question I should be asking is: Why shouldn’t I simply complete myself?

When thinking about my current boyfriend, I think about how perfect we are as a couple. He has this uncanny ability to finish my sentences and read my mind. Our senses of humor are identical, and let me tell you, when we are together, I suddenly become allergic to all of my clothes. But does that mean he “completes me”? Couldn’t that just mean that we are “really cute together”? Often, I look at my parents and their relationship.

After almost thirty five years, my mom and dad are still together. I’m completely convinced that they no longer have sex. They are really just friends now. Buddies, if you will. They share a yard, paid off a mortgage, and bought PT Cruiser together. My parents go on ski trips, have cook-outs and take turns doing the food shopping on Sundays. Do they complete each other? Well, in the eyes of the law they certainly do. They have a successful marriage- the Catholic Church would be proud. I mean, they are still together, getting along, and on top of that, they share a PT Cruiser. They clearly have had the same “marital ideals” since before I came along, and by “marital ideals” I mean -marriage, house, kids, college grads, PT Cruiser. They did all of this together. But could they have done separate? I like to think that my mom would have sent my brothers and me to college on her own. I mean, the lady filled out four different FAFSAs with one hand, while stirring meatless spaghetti with the other. I know she would have bought the PT Cruiser on her own; she’s been talking about that freakin’ car for years now. But what about my dad? I’m not overly positive he knows what a FAFSA form is. I’m not implying that he’s incapable of understanding it; it is just that the FAFSA has nothing to do with Led Zeppelin or The Giants, so it’s not on his list of priorities. But maybe that is exactly how they “complete” each other. My mom is all work and no play. My dad is all work- during work hours- and all play the rest of the time. Without my mom, it seems like my dad would be all play, and without my dad, it seems like my mom would be all work. But together, they’re complete.

But is that what life is all about? Finding the one person to complete you? What about completing your self? You see, the major issue with being a 20 something now-a-days, is that we feel pressure for two completely different reasons- and I’m truly convinced its why so many of us are in therapy. Sometimes I feel that many of us are torn between what our parent’s generation says should complete us, and our new found beliefs in the fact that we think we should be completing ourselves. Let’s explore the two most common pressure cookers.

REASON WE FEEL PRESSURE #1- SOCITY HEARTS SOCIAL NORMS Get married. Get a house. Pop out diarrhea spouting infants. Buy a PT Cruiser.

REASON WE FEEL PRESSURE #2- SOCIETY HEARTS MONEY Get a job, oh, but it’s gotta make you happy. Be really good at it. Go to grad school to make yourself more credible and marketable and marriageable. Make money. Make lots of money. Do you see my issue? We can’t possibly do both. We can’t possibly be both without picking a priority. Something has got to suffer, just a bit. So as 20 somethings we choose. We must choose a priority: aspire to create a good career, or aspire to create a good family. Although we may all aspire to be successful in both areas, very few people can truly succeed at both. And here is where the “you compete me, I complete you” is a problem. There are many people who have careers that, in fact, complete them. And evenly, there are many people whose families complete them. Who’s to say who or what completes me? I’m not even sure I know. I suppose I would like to somehow balance both. Possibly find a way to complete myself, then let –keyword let- someone else be a part of my whole, unbreakable, completely able to complete myself, life.