I Only Have Eyes For You

While covering Sunday’s Eagles game at the Linc, I came to realize two important things. First of all, there’s a good reason why A.J. Feeley isn’t a starter on an NFL team. You can read his throw from the last row of the stadium. Feeley’s eyes lock onto his primary receiver from the snap and they never leave until he’s chasing down the defender who just intercepted his pass. He looks like your cross-eyed buddy at last call staring down that wounded fish he’s going to try and hook up with. Complete tunnel vision.

The second epiphany is that Andy Reid is incapable of adjusting his game plan regardless of the circumstance. On a cold, rainy day that featured a second string quarterback with a history of interceptions, Reid continued to use the shotgun as his primary formation. Big Red takes it on the chin for this loss.

BCS Nightmare: a Sports Writer’s Wet Dream

The BCS took a last second swerve off the proverbial road last weekend when # 1 Missouri and #2 West Virginia were upset on the last game of the season. In a season that saw the #1 and #2 spots change more times than Jessica Simpson’s boyfriend, you would think the nation would be united in calling for a playoff system. However, there’s one group of people that thrive on this mess. Sports columnists. They continue to defend the current system saying it adds more interest to the regular season games. Yo big guy, maybe you haven’t caught an NFL game lately, but the NFL has a playoff system and there’s clearly significant interest in every game.

What these columnists really mean to say is that they’d have less to write about if there wasn’t so much controversy over who’s #1. Then they’d have to work harder to create sharp, insightful articles. It’s easy to write about topics that are inherently controversial. Here’s what the 2007-2008 playoffs should look like. 1 vs. 8: Ohio State vs. West Virginia.

2 vs. 7: LSU vs. Missouri. 3 vs. 6: Georgia vs. USC.
4 vs. 5: Oklahoma vs. Virginia Tech

In a sports utopia, a “play in” game between two mid-major conference winners would exist too. How does a first round match up between Ohio St. and. Hawaii sound? Everyone loves a David vs. Goliath story. Everyone except Goliath himself and apparently the sports reporting community that is.

Before any NFL game you’re sure to have the live pre-game report from the stadium. And sure as shit, you’ll get the “fanatic” interview too. This is usually some screaming, costumed idiot that’s about 10 beers deep.

But contrary to popular belief, the face painted maniac wearing shoulder pads to the game isn’t the “ultimate fan”. The ultimate fan is completely focused on the game and gives timely support and razor sharp criticism. He’s not focused on a costume, the tailgate party, or sucking down so many beers he can barely pass the Philadelphia Literacy Test, (aka the E-A-G-L-E-S…Eagles!) chant. So with the help of other seasoned fans we kept our eye out for “Ultimate Fan” traits at the Linc. Here’s what we came up with.

The Ultimate Philly Sports Fan?

1. Wears only one piece of team apparel. Usually old and from a giveaway.

2. Takes SEPTA to the game so he doesn’t try to beat traffic in the 4th qrt.

3. Gets buzzed not bombed in the parking lot.

4. Goes in the “Exit” door of the men’s room to skip the line.

5. Knows the security people in their section by name.

6. Never sits on a seat cushion. If it’s too cold or too wet, he stands.

7. Participates in timely group cheers, but never organizes them.

8. Harasses out of town fans to keep up the Philly image.

9. Has situational awareness. Knows down, count, shots on goal, etc.

10. Leaves his seat only between innings, periods, halves.

11. Despises the wave to the point of making it punishable by law.

12. Listens to the call of the game on a small transistor radio held to one ear.

13. Cheers for selfless plays. i.e. pitcher running hard all the way on a ground out.

14. Never leaves early…do these people really think they’re “beating traffic”?

15. Prepared to lay quick and definitive (but not necessarily accurate) blame on someone for the loss by the time he gets back on the subway. Then he’ll vehemently argue with anyone disagreeing with him all the way to his stop.